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It's there when he's coming back from getting groceries. All of a sudden, there's something very familiar looking looming outside of the Dimera Apartments and though Kieren wants to pretend that he doesn't know what it is, the shape of it and the plastic yellow tape warning people to stay away is something that pushes a chill down his newly sensitive skin. He can feel the dread as he nears it, clenching the groceries tighter.

Kieren's not sure he can even help how much he expects to see an awful sweater and Simon sitting on top of it, but there's no one there.

No one but his grave.

"“Gone is the face we loved so dear. Silent the voice we loved to hear," he hears Simon in his memory, thinks of the poetry that he'd rattled off the very first time they'd met.

And now, outside his apartment, there's a gravestone marking his death. He's alive again and human, but here's something reminding him that at eighteen years old, Kieren decided that he couldn't take it anymore and ended his life. Good thing he never got cremated, after all. Sitting gently down beside it, he's glad it's not Rick's grave, though he knows he might be tempting fate. Ice cream beginning to melt, Kieren can't exactly move, still trying to figure out what he even feels about all this.

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They haven't quite made plans for the day, but Sirius is bored and in the neighborhood, trotting about on four feet, and he takes the turn toward Kieren's flat, his tail wagging. It's a good move, he discovers, when he realizes he's caught Kieren's familiar scent and he runs a bit faster, eager to catch up.

But when he takes the turn into the actual complex to find Kieren sitting curled up against what looks like a gravestone, he stops short, his stomach plummeting. Why there's a gravestone in the front garden of an apartment complex, he hasn't a clue. But it can't be good.

Letting out a soft whine, he steps closer then. His eyesight is about the only sense that suffers when he's in this form and it's some moments before he can make out the words on the stone, make out the name. And then he suddenly knows exactly what it is he's seeing and he rushes close, licking at the skin of Kieren's cheek as he nuzzles with a soft, plaintive whine.

Kieren lets out a laugh when he sees who it is that's come to see him and adjusts enough to move the groceries aside and make room in his arms for Padfoot, knowing that he might seem a touch overly affectionate with a stray dog for the passers-by, but he doesn't give a fuck about them (mind his language).

"Hey," he greets, digging his fingers into Padfoot's fur as he buries his face in there. At least he's not crying, yet. "This turned up."

Kieren sets the bags of delicious-smelling foods aside to wrap his arms around Padfoot, burying his face in thick fur as Sirius drops all his weight onto him, turning his head to sniff and lick and nuzzle.

There's no need for Kieren to explain what this is; it's easy enough to guess. And he has a feeling it's not some replica either, not some terrible prank deposited here for a laugh. It's a real stone. Kieren's real stone. And hopefully there's no coffin below the ground to go with it.

He nuzzles a bit more, trying to pour out as much comfort as he can while he's still in this form, encouraging Kieren to take all he needs.

Kieren breathes in shakily and lets out a laugh when Sirius works at nuzzling and licking him. It is a bit weird, if he's honest, but in a good way. It means that he's got a boyfriend who's able to give him this kind of comfort. He tries to find the words to explain why this is so difficult, not sure how to even dredge them up.

"I supposed that when I became human, I thought I could leave the zombie part of me behind," he murmurs. "This grave, it's a reminder of how weak I was. How I hurt my family."

Ronan responds with another soft whine and a swipe of his wet nose along Kieren's jaw. It's not the first time Kieren's mentioned this, how much he regrets the actions that led to him becoming undead in the first place, but Sirius still aches to hear it. To know Kieren ever felt as though he had only one option and it was one so... final.

There's only so much he can do as Padfoot so, in a blink, he transfigures back into his human form, remembering to magick himself some clothes in the process, and then he has his arms around Kieren's middle and his face against Kieren's shoulder.

"Do you think you really need one?" he asks, pulling back a bit to brush his fingers over the fall of hair over Kieren's forehead. "A reminder, that is. Seems to me you don't tend to forget."

Kieren blinks a little, still surprised whenever Sirius suddenly goes from dog to human. He keeps trying to see it better, maybe get some idea about how it works, but he never seems to catch it. Instead, he just adjusts and slowly levers himself down until his cheek is on Sirius' knee, folded up in his lap as best as he can be.

"It's not like I asked for this to come here," he points out. "Maybe this place thinks I don't need to forget."

With a bit of a shift, Sirius rests back against the headstone as Kieren settles onto his side, his head resting on Sirius's lap. Lips twisting into a frown, Sirius combs his fingers through Kieren's hair as he lets out a breath.

"Didn't think you had," he says quietly, fingers curling down to Kieren's nape. "I just think this place has a terrible sense of irony and poor methods of lesson-learning. Not to mention this is a terrible place for a gravestone. It's just rife for vandalism here. I should know, really."

Though Sirius can at least put a spell on if it he needs to protect it from just such a thing. And he will, he thinks. Whether Kieren knows of it or not.

Kieren can't help an amused snort as he thinks about someone coming by to vandalize the grave because the truth is that he's not entirely sure that he'd mind that. After all, it's not like he's actually dead. He's fairly sure that yes, he could become dead again, given what happened to Amy, but right now he's not.

"No, let it be," Kieren murmurs. "Maybe with luck, someone will come along and decide they don't want it to be here. They could rip it up and take it away," he suggests hopefully. After all, who really would want a graveyard starting at Dimera?

"I'd like to see an ordinary Muggle try to lift a stone of this size," he says with something of a smirk. "I could do it though if you'd like. With magic of course. I could lift it right up and throw it into the sea. Would that be better?"

He never stops rubbing slow, even circles at Kieren's nape, fingers occasionally drifting higher into soft hair.

Kieren feels a little uncomfortable about it going into the sea like that, but he'd still rather it be there than here. Sitting up slowly, he faces Sirius and is grateful that his teary cheeks haven't smudged mousse or makeup. It really is a brave new world for him to live in. "Could you?" he asks. "It wouldn't be a strain or anything on you?"

Sirius drops his hands away only when Kieren pushes to sit up, brow furrowed when he notices the teary streaks upon his cheeks and he reaches up then to wipe them dry with the pad of his thumb.

"'Course I can," he says as though he's mildly insulted by the question. "Fairly easy spell too, honestly. The concealment would be a bit trickier, but if I did it at night, there'd be fewer about to question things anyhow." He regards Kieren a bit more carefully then as he lowers his hand to lightly cup Kieren's face, thumb brushing the line of his jaw. "Would you like me, too? Can make a date of it, even. A ceremony," he adds with the faintest grin.

Kieren's sure that he doesn't want to be seeing the lumbering stone every time he enters and leaves his home, but he's also not sure what getting rid of it does. "Could you break it into pieces?" he asks, suddenly. It wouldn't be such a bad thing, he thinks, if he could have just a piece of his grave to use as a sort of garden ornament or a piece of modern art.

And then he could remember without having to stare at something so morbid as an actual grave.

It's a surprising request, both of Sirius's eyebrows rising as he considers it before nodding as he drops his hand away.

"Could, yeah," he says. "Could do it right now even if you wanna scare the pants off a few Muggles." He doesn't bother keep a smile from creeping onto his lips then as he waggles an eyebrow. "Do you want to keep a piece or two, is that it?"

He hasn't a clue what Kieren might do with them, of course. Lay about him flat, maybe, a constant morbid reminder. Then again, if it helps him in some way, Sirius won't stop him. Couldn't even if he wanted to besides.

"I think the whole thing might be too morbid," he admits, "and I think destroying it all will make me regret it. But a piece? Just a piece, then I might be able to give myself a way to remember not to make the same mistakes again," Kieren says, his voice soft with a thread of strength behind each word. After all, he knows he's not going to be that weak again. For one, he's getting older now. Surely that means he's also getting wiser.

He shrugs, thinking of the size of it and using his hand to make an indication. "Maybe just this? I could put it in a garden with some plants or something. Doesn't need to have the poem on it or anything."

"The bit with the poem would be fairly large anyway," Sirius points out as he glance down at the size Kieren is approximating with his hands. He won't be able to guarantee the exact sizes of the pieces that might crumble away, but having spent many, many years blasting things to pieces, he has a fairly good idea of how far back he'll need to stand, at least.

Giving Kieren a light nudge, he pushes up to his feet then and pulls his wand from the back of his jeans.

"You're sure about this?" he asks as he walks a few feet away, glancing about for prying Muggle eyes. He'll be able to put it back if needs be, but he still wants to be certain. It'll be a rather jarring blast either way.

"Not really," is his confession as he steps back to sort of hide behind Sirius as they do this, entirely unsure as to whether this is a good idea or not. His life has been filled with bad ideas, though, and who's to say this isn't actually a good one. "Maybe we could just sort of turn it into a bit of a memento for the two of us?"

"We've got to be hitting some kind of anniversary soon, yeah?"

"Have we?" he says because he's honestly not thought of it much at all. It's been a solid few months, he knows, and he keeps wondering at what point he'll start to panic about such a thing seeing as he's witnessed that sort of thing before. But so far, he hasn't.

He's not quite sure what that's supposed to mean.

Frowning a bit, he looks back at the stone before turning his attention to Kieren once more. "I'm not sure a bit of your gravestone is entirely romantic, is it? I mean, I do realize what it means and all that, but it seems a bit of a bad omen, doesn't it?"

Kieren hasn't been keeping track, but he feels like it must be nearly six months, which is six months longer than anything he's had before (unless you count Simon, which had been maybe two weeks). "So maybe then it's just a bit in a garden and it's a piece of my home," Kieren amends, "and instead, I could take you out for a proper dinner in a real restaurant."

"And this time, I won't just sit there and watch you eat," he says fondly. "I'll be able to eat, too."

"That sounds perfectly, obnoxious reasonable," Sirius replies with a hint of a grin to show he's teasing. Reaching back behind himself, he finds Kieren's hand with his free one and squeezes tight as he holds his wand in his other hand.

He considers his proximity and the force of his magic for a moment before carefully taking a few steps back, dragging Kieren along with him. Then he pulls in a breath and says, "Reducto!" as he swishes and points, sending a zap from the tip of his wand straight into the stone, blasting it dozens of pieces with a great crack.

Kieren isn't exactly ready for how violently loud it's going to be, and startles a little when it gets blasted. Still, he also can't deny the relief that floods him when the stone is no longer there, no longer occupying his view, and reminding him that up until recently, Kieren had been a dead man walking.

It's gone, reduced to pieces, and while he still wants one of them, he doesn't want the rest. "This is how I met Simon, you know," he shares. "He was sitting on my grave."

"You know that thing I said about terrible omens," Sirius remarks at that with a faint sneer. He's at least partially teasing though and he gives Kieren's hand a light squeeze, waiting just a moment longer for the dust to settle before stepping toward the mess.

"Is there one in here you like more than the rest. We could just leave it like this, too. The grounds people will be boggled."

Kieren steps forward to look at the pieces, crouching over to piece through them. He finds one that looks a little like an obelisk, about the size of his palm, and curls it in under his fingers, feeling the coolness of the grave at his hand. "Thank you," he says quietly, because it might be morbid, but it's still his.

He glances up at him, his smile much happier. "I'm starved," he says, as if he isn't always starved nowadays. "Tea?"

Sirius lets go so Kieren can rifle through the mess, discarding some of the bigger pieces and the smaller ones as well before deciding on one. He seems to test it in his hand before he grins up at Sirius. And Sirius grins right back.

"Starved, eh?" Sirius replies, reaching down to lightly ruffle Kieren's head. "That's still a bit of a new sensation, isn't it? D'you wanna go up to yours? 'Least we're not far. We could have sandwiches."

"I think I've gained at least five pounds already," he admits, which isn't totally true. For all that he's been eating, he's also been making a point to get out and around and feel things like sweat and his heart pounding. He's even gone for a run, which is something he generally had avoided unless he'd been running away from something.

For a long time, he'd always chosen to run away. He's getting better, though. "Tea and sandwiches," Kieren agrees. "And maybe something else to remind me that I'm very much alive."

If Kieren's gained anything, Sirius hasn't noticed. There are a number of ways in which he looks different from before, obviously, but it's all in the color and texture of his skin, the warmth of him, the fall of his hair.

Grinning still, he reaches a hand out to help Kieren back to his feet. Briefly, he considers cleaning up the mess he's left, but figures it's worth leaving if only for the confusion it'll cause anyone who happens to walk past. "Something else?" Sirius remarks, arching an eyebrow as he starts heading toward the door. "Pray tell, what might you have in mind?"

"I don't know, maybe we could curl up and watch a film?" he suggests. "Or you could give me a backrub," he keeps going, eyes widening with eagerness. "I wouldn't mind you doing that, make me sort of feel all of that, all those things I never thought I'd feel."

"How's watching a film going to make you feel you're alive?" he asks with a quick laugh. "Could do that easily enough before, couldn't you? The backrub... well, I'll give you one if you return the favour."

He's joking, really. For the most part. It's not as though he needs any bribing to put his hands on Kieren though he also wouldn't turn down a backrub of his own if he can get one.

Sometimes, Kieren does miss other PDS because there are things like this that feel odd to explain, but he still feels them strongly. "I couldn't cry before," he reminds Sirius gently. "Couldn't really feel laughter or anticipation or any of that. A good film, a really good one? It makes me feel again. And it reminds me of home," he shares quietly, thinking of his Dad.

"And yeah, I wouldn't mind a backrub in exchange for giving you one," he agrees.

It's not something he's thought about if he's honest, that Kieren couldn't really cry before. Perhaps he'd just taken such a thing for granted, but he supposes he can understand why it might be something Kieren would enjoy now that it's a possibility at all.

"Alright, a film then," he agrees as he opens the door and follows Kieren inside. "One of your choosing. And a backrub. Would you prefer that before or after?"

"Why not during?" Kieren suggests, because he thinks that a backrub and a flick might be something that he's been missing out on for a while and it's something that he can have. So why not ask for it?

He wraps his arm around Sirius' waist as they walk. "And, I mean, then you could have your choice of what we do."

"Wouldn't a backrub distract you a bit?" Sirius argues, though he's more curious than truly arguing at all. Kieren's arm fits nicely around his waist and he calls the lift as he leans easily against him. "From feeling, I mean. Can't say I've been in the situation at all before, but I'd imagine it'd be a bit difficult to cry in sadness when I'm feeling someone rub all the aching muscles in my back."

"So let's try and see which wins," he says, eager to find out, if he's honest. "And then we can try it the other way. And then, if we think about something else, we can do that too. We've got all the time to try things out, yeah?"

"Oh, I can think of a few things we've yet to try, but I don't think they fall into this category," Sirius replies with a grin as they wait for the lift to show. "But tea and sandwiches and a terrible film sound like just the perfect thing for the afternoon."

The lift arrives then with a ding and Sirius steps in, Kieren right at his side and he glances down at the shard of granite still clutched in Kieren's hand before pressing the button for the second floor. Yes, he's well aware they could take the stairs, but he still hasn't quite gotten over the novelty of this sort of thing. "What are you going to do with that?" he asks as the doors slide closed. "Make a centerpiece out of it?"

"I never said the film had to be terrible," Kieren feels compelled to argue, because he wouldn't mind a good flick, but he'd settle for anything. He just really likes the prospect of curling up with Sirius, getting comfortable, and really enjoying himself in all the ways they can.

As for the granite, he stares at it for a long moment, pursing his lips. "I think a mini garden, maybe, at my flat." And, awkwardly, he wonders if he's supposed to be thinking about asking Sirius about moving in together, but he doesn't think they're quite there yet, not really.

"With flowers, you mean?" he asks, quirking an eyebrow. "Or a garden with vegetables that you actually plan on eating? Don't think it'd be weird to plant that sort of thing next to a bit of your gravestone?"

The lift comes to a slow stop then and as the doors ding open Sirius casually drops his hand to curl his fingers with Kieren's. "Also, if I'm to rub your back, I'm going to have to request that you take your shirt off. That's my one condition."

"I think maybe just some flowers," Kieren shares, curling his fingers over Sirius' a little tighter. "Carnations or lilies or something else easy to manage if you put it in the sun and water it enough." When the lift comes to a stop, Kieren leans over to press a kiss of thanks to Sirius' cheek, grinning fondly at him.

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